Film production is for the rats, not for the birds.

Another excerpt from Author Ben Bryant’s film production book, Circumstances Beyond My Control: Chapter 13 1974–1975

“… Gary Young got a job for D-Con rat poison to shoot and direct a short movie based on a “New York Magazine” article entitled The Short Happy Life of a Middle-Class Rat. … he … asked me … to co-produce with Santos.

“The story was written by (and was about) a woman in an upscale suburban neighborhood who’d been shocked to discover that she had rats in her house. Having always associated these nasty rodents with slums, she was amazed to learn of their ubiquity.

“… Gary cast [my wife Betsy] in the leading role. Our friends Lowell Harris and Inga Swenson owned the perfect house for this story in Tenafly, NJ. It was quite upscale and had beautiful lawns with flowering shrubs and spreading shade trees.

“Other than Betsy’s character there were only two other speaking roles in the movie and casting them was easy. … The hard part was casting the rats. We obviously couldn’t use real Norway rats (aka street rats or sewer rats) that are the most common species infesting cities and suburbia. Those suckers were big and dangerous. We ended up with the largest lab rats we could find. The rats turned out to be but one of the bugaboos we were to have.

“… Santos had the raw stock (unexposed film) in his refrigerator. Bobby was a brilliantly creative guy but not completely “buttoned-up” production-wise. I suggested that I keep the stock overnight but he said he was cool and I then suggested that before going to bed he take the film out of the fridge and stack it just inside his front door. He laughed, called me a worrywart and assured me, jocularly, that he’d done this a few times.

“When we were setting up for the first shot the following morning the AC [camera assistant] asked me for the stock so he could load the magazines. I looked over at Santos and the expression he had on his face said it all. He gave his keys to a PA who jumped into a car and headed back to Manhattan during rush hour. Nothing more was said about that until the job was finished. Needless to say he was ribbed mercilessly about this incident for several years.

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“In a Tenafly hardware store we found the perfect location for the County Agent’s scene. It was the most crowded office you can imagine. Ancient filing cabinets and an old wooden desk were piled high with folders, papers and … stuff. … The only catch was that we could have it for only an hour on a specific day. We had to load in, light and shoot and get out in that singular hour, no leeway. It was a short simple scene and we planned it down to the minute so we knew we could get it done.

“What we had failed to anticipate was the inebriation of our actor who was to play Roy Hicks, County Agent. Everything was smooth going in and setting up but alas, Dick (no last name, please) was pickled. Although he managed to drive to the location without killing himself or anyone else, that was all the magic he possessed that day. Gary and Santos looked at me, knowing my background as an actor. They asked the makeup/hair lady if she could pull my very long hair back into a tight ponytail so that if Gary shot me straight on I wouldn’t look like a dope-crazed hippie. Thus my acting career took a small (futile) step toward resuscitation and as a souvenir to this day my desk is graced with a small name plate stating “Roy Hicks, County Agent”. PS: Dick did not get paid (nor did I).

“Everything else went fine until the scene of the rats in the yard. First, since they were white we painted them with mascara.

BB w RAT Contact

The Author coddling the Talent

“The little fellows found this substance to be quite delicious so it was a constant struggle to keep them the proper color long enough to get a shot. The shot in question should have been easy. Three or four rats running across the grass, no big deal. We had built a containment fence providing a pathway for them to run in without escaping, got the cameras in place, touched up the rat makeup and were ready to shoot. I called out, “Roll camera. Release the critters.”

“The cages were opened and our born-in-captivity animal talent showed absolutely no interest whatsoever in the grassy playground before them. Their curiosity was not piqued. In short, they just stood there licking mascara off one another. Hmmm, what now? I think it was water pistols that finally got them moving.”

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