Stuff that I Have Noticed #36a Who Should Really Be President?

GUEST ESSAYIST

On Saturday, November 7, I woke up and heard that news agencies had declared Joe Biden the victor in the Presidential election. After that, while driving around Naples, Florida, I passed a rather large rally full of Donald Trump supporters, many holding signs proclaiming “Stop the Steal.” It seemed that the rally participants believed that Donald Trump could not possibly have lost the election and that therefore the election had been stolen from him (in one of the greatest frauds in the history of the world). So it got me thinking: if many wise folks have studied the election results and declared Joe Biden to be the winner yet many educated and successful people believe there is a massive fraud at play then Who, in fact, should be the next President of the United States? After pondering this question the answer came to me and it should be easily obvious to all, Democrats or Republicans alike. The next President should be the “Smartest Most Clever Person in the World.” But Ken, you may say, “you have told us nothing. Who is the Smartest Most Clever Person in the World?” Allow me to explain.

Months ago when it became obvious that Joe Biden would be the Democratic contender for the Presidency and Kamala Harris would be his running mate, the two of them got together for a secret strategy meeting. Joe opened up by saying, “Listen Kamala, the incumbent President is so talented, so smart, so charismatic, so wise, so open and honest and has done such a great job in his first four years, discounting of course tens of thousands needlessly dead from Covid 19, that there is no reasonable way that we can win this election. We have to cheat.” Kamala agreed and suggested that the only way that could be accomplished was if they were able to hire the Smartest Most Clever Person in the World to lead the effort to steal the election.

Shortly after that meeting they contacted the world’s greatest executive recruiter. This person worked only on assignments to hire Captains of Industry and Titans of Wall Street. During their initial and only meeting they told the recruiter, “We want you to find for us the ‘Smartest Most Clever Person in the World (SMCPW).’ ” When the recruiter asked about the job they wanted to fill he was told, “We can not give you any specifics only that the job will last about three months and the person will be paid enough money, off the books and therefore tax free, for the SMCPW to live like a king for the rest of his/her life and never have to work again.” One other stipulation was that the recruiter would have to agree that in return for the sizable fee that he would be paid if he in fact found the SMCPW that he could not admit to anyone, including wife, children, partners etc. that he was ever involved in this transaction. Penalty for breaking this pact was death.

After only three weeks the recruiter called Mr. Biden and said “I believe I have found the SMCPW and would like to set up an interview.” Mr. Biden explained that there would be no interview, that the SMCPW would be sent an audio file outlining the assignment. The recording could be played only once and would self destruct after it was played. The assignment as outlined on the file would be:

Your assignment is to change the course of history. It is likely that without outside interference that Donald Trump will win the electoral vote by an overwhelming majority or BY A LOT. You need to rig the election and/or the reporting of the results by a sufficient amount so that Joe Biden wins by sixty or more electoral votes. Therefore you need to interfere with the election process in at least ten states. It is also likely that Donald Trump will win the popular vote by five million or more votes. You need to rig the election and/or the reporting process so that Joe Biden wins by about five million votes. Therefore you will likely need to interfere with the election process in twenty-five or more states. While doing this you must leave absolutely NO EVIDENCE that anything out of the ordinary has occurred. There can be no evidence of interference with the election in any way. We understand that you may need to grease some palms to get some cooperation by election workers but this can in no way be traced back to you or the Biden campaign. Also, you must do this all by yourself. If you hire helpers they all represent potential leaks regarding this plot and that is unacceptable. You have three months to complete this assignment as everything must be in place when voting begins some time around October 1. When the assignment is complete you must take your money, disappear and never be heard from again.

The recruiter was stunned. He commented, “That sounds like an Impossible mission.” Nevertheless he agreed to get the recording to the SMCPW.

Mr. Biden and Ms. Harris proceeded to campaign as best they could given the pandemic and believed all along they were swimming against the tide. However about a week before election day Mr. Biden received a text saying only “Mission accomplished” along with instructions on where to send the funds, believed to be upwards of $100 million. Mr. Biden quickly called a meeting with all his mega donors and asked them to come up with another $100 million which would be used in an undisclosed way. He got the money.

Election day came and went and a few days later Joe Biden was declared the winner. In a quiet moment with Ms. Harris, Mr. Biden commented, “I can’t believe this happened. Our unknown consultant who led this effort truly is the Smartest Most Clever Person in the World.” However, Donald Trump and his supporters refused to accept the results and the country remains as divided as it has been since 1860 and maybe more so. There is only one person who can possibly step in and save the US of A and that is the SMCPW. But who is that person? Unfortunately my friends, I have no idea. The SMCPW has vanished, leaving behind only one very small clue that he or she ever existed.

Now the SMCPW was not a fan of Donald Trump. In fact the SMCPW thought that Mr. Trump was a lying, cheating, no good, racist, sexist, homophobe who had no understanding of national and world economics and would not listen to those who did. Therefore the SMCPW earned the $100 million by doing nothing but sit on the back porch for three months sipping Pina Coladas and let the election play out. However, a few days after the election the SMCPW used all of his/her talents to sneak into the White House grounds, get through the front door, break into the Oval Office, leave something behind and then get out undetected. The only evidence that a break in had occurred or that the SMCPW ever existed was a note left on the President’s desk, on elegant stationary, written in longhand which simply said:

To – The Donald
PROOVE IT
Best regards,
The Smartest Most Clever Person in the World